I'm home alone for about two hours, and I'm seriously contemplating getting trashed, I feel -that- shitty right now.

I ' l l d e s t r o y t h i s u s e l e s s h e a r t - I ' l l f u c k i t u p . . .

I feel so cking depressed lately, and I hate myself even more for feeling that way.

I'm above this.

I know I am.

I. Am. Above. This.

So why the -fuck- is it bothering me so much?

It amuses me how I feel so down and my initial internal response was to put "Broken Heart" by Motion City Soundtrack on. 

It amuses me because I don't know... my heart isn't broken... not concerning Camden anyway.

She's been so perfect lately.

God, I'm so glad I have her right now.

S i n g m e s o m e t h i n g s o f t - s a d a n d d e l i c a t e - o r l o u d a n d o u t o f k e y - s i n g m e a n y t h i n g .

I disagree: People don't stop talking to people once they get a girlfriend or boyfriend.
I've maintained friendships with all of my friends.
As I recall, you said we weren't going to be friends or talk after I started dating Camden, so you brought this upon yourself.
I'm still just as good of friends with Erin and Kate and Steph and Tyler and Carl and Greg and everyone else as I was before I started dating her.

So I do believe that your statement is indeed false.
You just allow people to stray and don't try to reel them back in, because you play it as a game, and wait for them to come talking to you.
Tyler and I are very similar. We don't talk to people unless we have something to say. We tend not to initiate a conversation with someone unless we need to. HE can feel free to correct me if I'm wrong, since I'm speaking on his behalf without him really letting me, but I feel that I'm fairly accurate, because we've discussed it before. Don't blame someone not talking to you on them unless you know they are deliberately ignoring you for no reason. That doesn't include me, because gave you a reason :]

s i n g l i k e y o u t h i n k n o o n e ' s l i s t e n i n g - y o u w o u l d k i l l f o r t h i s , j u s t a l i t t l e b i t .

I hate to be blunt, because I'm sure it will start something.
But I don't consider you my friend.
I talk to people without considering them a friend.
That's because I'm generally a decent person.
I'm talking to you occasionally; be thankful.
Or you can walk away.
This one's your call.
Take the brief conversation when it happens to come, or don't take any of it.

This is not meant to be a bitch post at all; so please don't interpret it as such.

A n d t h e n t h e r e w e r e n o n e

People just piss me off.
Why is it that people doubt me so frequently?
People that don't really know me, even.
It just.. ugh.
I hate that.
I hate when my girlfriend tells me about a previous hook up, and how she's worried that she'll disappoint me.
I hate that I don't get to see her enough; I could never see her enough.
I'm scared that eventually.. I'll be the disappointment, and that I'll prove everyone that's doubting me to be right.

It amuses me...

It really amuses me how someone can come up to you and be like "Hey, can we talk civilly for five minutes?"
And your'e reluctant. Because you hate this person more than any other person you've met.
But you agree because you want to be the bigger person.

The real kicker is when that person then intentially starts fight and tries to blame you for the entire thing.
THEN they go on and block you on their blog, because that makes everything okay.
You know. Especialyl when they started the entire thing.

It makes me chuckle.
And it doesn't phase me at all.
I was happy without her for the previous month.
And by doing this she's just helping me.
So thanks for being on my side.
I'm glad you're growing up [BAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHyeahright]

You're so immature that it makes me laugh.
You owe my girlfriend an apology.

You crossed a line.

I'm not going to post some bitch out.
I don't want to give you that satisfaction.
I also won't because tonight has proved that I literally cannot express my hatred towards you in words.
You can try to express your hatred for me with your petty scars that barely break skin, but I don't care.
I really do not care.
Cut deeper. Go. I fucking want you to.

You sicken me.
More so, you upset me.
You hurt me.

I don't care if you treat me like shit.
That's all you've ever treated me like anyway.
But when you bring in one of the people that I love you cross boundaries that you cannot back yourself on. I don't care what you say to me. I don't care what you say to other people about me.

Camden posted that in confidence. She trusted that it would be kept a SECRET.
that's probably why she POSTed that on POST SECRET.
You knew I didn't know that, and you wanted to plant some little seed, thinking you could get in between us.
You knew I'd confront her about it.
You're some psychotic stalker to be looking for her post secret posts too.
The fact that when she posted on Post Secret, saying that she was hurt that obviously her post wasn't kept confidential? That she was obviously hurt and upset about it? That she clearly was directing the 'thanks btw' to you? Clearly you crossed a line.
But to have the nerve to comment on that post, saying "oh, now you can get help in stopping" was a perfect example of your childishness.
And I'm dying to see how you try to turn this into some "No, you were the immature one" because honestly? There is nothing I did that would merit you saying that. Nothing.

You crossed a line.
That was below the belt, and I will never, ever forgive you.

And Tyler hasn't betrayed you.
You didn't tell him anything I didn't already know.
I'm not some thick head that's oblivious to everything going on.
You mentioned me in every one of your god damn blogs.
It isn't rocket science to put two and two together.

And if acting like a bitch like this gives you satisfaction?
You clearly are in therapy for a reason.
You shouldn't enjoy doing this to people.
And if your philosophy is seriously "only the bitchy people survive" then you are sicker than I thought.

You clearly have problems.
That's not me making some wimpy insult.
That's not me being all "lulz, let's bitch."
That's me saying that there is something seriously fucked up in your head.

But I don't feel bad for you.
and if you even think about commenting with some "Oh, do you want me to cry for you" response, or something anything resembling that, I will laugh at you.
I will laugh that you need some artificial power that only you believe you have to feel good about yourself.
Because you aren't happy.
Doing this is -killing- you.
It'll be less than a week and you'll be posting blogs about how much you miss me, or how everything reminds you of me, or God only knows.


I am above you, Nichole.
Not as in "I am God, I'm better than you. Bow to me bitches."
I deserve so much better than you.
And the fact that it took me this long to realize it is sad on my part.
Actually, I've known this since i stopped talking to you.
But you couldn't even live with that.
God forbid you didn't have drama to live off of.

I am above you.
you are nothing.
[well that's a lie, you need to lose some fucking weight to be nothing.
-ahem- in the wise words of someone I once knew "good luck (:"