A n d t h e n t h e r e w e r e n o n e

People just piss me off.
Why is it that people doubt me so frequently?
People that don't really know me, even.
It just.. ugh.
I hate that.
I hate when my girlfriend tells me about a previous hook up, and how she's worried that she'll disappoint me.
I hate that I don't get to see her enough; I could never see her enough.
I'm scared that eventually.. I'll be the disappointment, and that I'll prove everyone that's doubting me to be right.

It amuses me...

It really amuses me how someone can come up to you and be like "Hey, can we talk civilly for five minutes?"
And your'e reluctant. Because you hate this person more than any other person you've met.
But you agree because you want to be the bigger person.

The real kicker is when that person then intentially starts fight and tries to blame you for the entire thing.
THEN they go on and block you on their blog, because that makes everything okay.
You know. Especialyl when they started the entire thing.

It makes me chuckle.
And it doesn't phase me at all.
I was happy without her for the previous month.
And by doing this she's just helping me.
So thanks for being on my side.
I'm glad you're growing up [BAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHyeahright]

You're so immature that it makes me laugh.
You owe my girlfriend an apology.

You crossed a line.

I'm not going to post some bitch out.
I don't want to give you that satisfaction.
I also won't because tonight has proved that I literally cannot express my hatred towards you in words.
You can try to express your hatred for me with your petty scars that barely break skin, but I don't care.
I really do not care.
Cut deeper. Go. I fucking want you to.

You sicken me.
More so, you upset me.
You hurt me.

I don't care if you treat me like shit.
That's all you've ever treated me like anyway.
But when you bring in one of the people that I love you cross boundaries that you cannot back yourself on. I don't care what you say to me. I don't care what you say to other people about me.

Camden posted that in confidence. She trusted that it would be kept a SECRET.
that's probably why she POSTed that on POST SECRET.
You knew I didn't know that, and you wanted to plant some little seed, thinking you could get in between us.
You knew I'd confront her about it.
You're some psychotic stalker to be looking for her post secret posts too.
The fact that when she posted on Post Secret, saying that she was hurt that obviously her post wasn't kept confidential? That she was obviously hurt and upset about it? That she clearly was directing the 'thanks btw' to you? Clearly you crossed a line.
But to have the nerve to comment on that post, saying "oh, now you can get help in stopping" was a perfect example of your childishness.
And I'm dying to see how you try to turn this into some "No, you were the immature one" because honestly? There is nothing I did that would merit you saying that. Nothing.

You crossed a line.
That was below the belt, and I will never, ever forgive you.

And Tyler hasn't betrayed you.
You didn't tell him anything I didn't already know.
I'm not some thick head that's oblivious to everything going on.
You mentioned me in every one of your god damn blogs.
It isn't rocket science to put two and two together.

And if acting like a bitch like this gives you satisfaction?
You clearly are in therapy for a reason.
You shouldn't enjoy doing this to people.
And if your philosophy is seriously "only the bitchy people survive" then you are sicker than I thought.

You clearly have problems.
That's not me making some wimpy insult.
That's not me being all "lulz, let's bitch."
That's me saying that there is something seriously fucked up in your head.

But I don't feel bad for you.
and if you even think about commenting with some "Oh, do you want me to cry for you" response, or something anything resembling that, I will laugh at you.
I will laugh that you need some artificial power that only you believe you have to feel good about yourself.
Because you aren't happy.
Doing this is -killing- you.
It'll be less than a week and you'll be posting blogs about how much you miss me, or how everything reminds you of me, or God only knows.


I am above you, Nichole.
Not as in "I am God, I'm better than you. Bow to me bitches."
I deserve so much better than you.
And the fact that it took me this long to realize it is sad on my part.
Actually, I've known this since i stopped talking to you.
But you couldn't even live with that.
God forbid you didn't have drama to live off of.

I am above you.
you are nothing.
[well that's a lie, you need to lose some fucking weight to be nothing.
-ahem- in the wise words of someone I once knew "good luck (:"

G o o d N e w s ! S h e ' s D e a d !

I can't say I didn't tell you so.
You asked to talk to me civilly.
I was reluctant, because I didn't want to talk to you.
I haven't wanted to talk to you either.
I have been perfectly fine since we stopped talking.
Granted the first week or so I bitched about you for a while?
But I was more than okay with it.
I haven't missed you.
I haven't really cared that you're out of my life.
But you had to ruin that, didn't you.

Oh, and stop making yourself a victim with all this "I'm the only exception" bullshit.
You're the only person I've actually seriously cut from my life because you're the only mistake I've ever actually made when it comes to friends.
I don't even know why you're trying to bring cutting up as an excuse, because you really have no reasn to do so.
People that are seriously depressed? Don't cut and then update their Livejournal saying "yay for throwing up and cutting!? lulz?!" or something to that effect. They don't advertise it like they just got a 96 on their science test. Though I'm sure you've never achieved something like that to know how it feels anyway.
You don't know Kate.
At all.
And to try to even HINT that you possibly know something about her that I don't?
Is completely ridiculous
You will never know her like I do, so stop pretending like it's some great thing when you learn something and try to rub it in my face.
Camden?
Same deal.
You don't know her so quit the fucking judging.
You never will know her through me, either, because I wouldn't want her to meet someone that has fucked around with my head.
Don't twist this into some "but you play mind games on me wah wah wah"
Because guess what!
I haven't mentioned you in every blog post and livejournal post since we've stopped talking.
If I have, it's been about how much I hate you.
L U L Z .

I am sick and tired of you, Nichole.
And I don't think you really understand that.
I think you just assume I'm in a bad mood and will just cool off and come talking to you again.
You are sadly mistake, little girl.

You couldn't even make a thirty minute conversation without starting shit.
Congratu-fucking-lations.

I hate you.

Y o u ' v e b e e n s u c h a p o s i t i v e i n f l u e n c e o n m y m e n t a l f r a m e

I find it very interesting when two people that are so different talk about the same thing, and how it still is completely different.
I'm not saying one is wrong, and one is right.
But it basically looks like one is real, one is fake.
I wish I could go into more detail?
But that would be going against my best friend's wishes, and I don't want to do that to them.


I also find it interesting when someone considers you their best friend, yet they don't talk to you for several days. I'm not talking about "sorry such and such came up and interrupted such and such." I mean actually took time to ay hi, or see if something was wrong, because something clearly is. And it clearly affects that person. There is no substance in it. It's juts a filling of ill-ishness towards that person. It's still amusing that they apparently don't even care enough to ask. It really shows what kind of person that it, and if that's their position, I feel fairly obliged to return that same feeling. I have no intention of making the first move. I never do; on anything.

So yes, people are very interesting.
It's fun to observe.
It's fun to ponder.
It's fun to realize
Sometimes it hurts to realize.
Sometimes what you realize hurts you.
But I'm glad when I do realize it.
It lets me know that I care about my friends.
And that I'm not just this shallow user that everyone makes me out to be.

I r e a l l y c a n ' t s t a y [ b a b y i t ' s c o l d o u t s i d e ]

Save the date:
December 10, 2015.
♥:]♥

M y b o d y h a s b e e n c l a i m e d - s o u l h a s b e e n s h i p p e d a w a y

"hate to break it to you - but you're the reason."

explain that to me.
do it.

I n E v e r y c i r c l e o f F r i e n d s T h e r e ' s a W h o r e - T h e o n e w h o f l i r t s a n d d o e s a l i t t l e m o re.

So if anyone hasn't noticed, I've been titling my entries on this site according to whatever song is playing when I begin the entry. That saves time because I don't have to be all "lulz. Now playing: -insert music-" because it's there in the title. If you're curious and don't know, Google the lyric. I'm sure it'll come up. Obviously, today's selection would be none other than Newport Living by Cute Is What We Aim For. Ironically, the lyrics I chose to post fit very, very well with the topic I had thought about updating about.

I don't really get what's so great about sex? And I don't know why this has been bothering me as much as it had. We went to an assembly for a chastity talk yesterday, and I actually liked it? It's convinced me. It didn't make me feel guilty that I'm not a virgin, it just convinced me to wait from now? I don't want to be with someone that's slept around with -insertnumberhere- people. So why should I sleep with -insertnumberhere- people too? If you read my livejournal, I apologize for the redundancy. I just don't find that attractive. I don't regret losing my virginity with that person, because I was convinced that that would be forever; I was in love with that person.

I obviously was wrong because I'm no longer with that person. As great a friend they are, I honestly don't think I could/would be with them forever. Do I mean that in a negative way? Absolutely not. I just don't think that it would be successful long-term. And I recognized that a year ago, and I'm glad I did, I suppose.

As I mentioned before, I updated my livejournal about this, though I didn't really go into the detail I'm going here, because there are people that I'd prefer not to read it? I don't know if they do, but -shrug- Also, this is clearly a tangent, because this is not what I tended on talking about because of the lyric.

Back to the point, I updated my livejournal about this, and I asked my girlfriend to comment the entry, because I felt guilty by not telling her I wasn't a virgin, but I wasn't sure how to tell her. She seems to be alright with it? she said she was shocked? But she said she understood that I had been in (a) serious relationship(s) and that what happened happened. She told me not to regret it, which makes me respect her for not holding it against me. I feel guilty that, should this turn into forever, she wouldn't be my first..

Anyway, I have no respect for people that cannot be faithful to whomever they are currently with. IT hurts me to know that people can be that horrible to someone else. Now, trust me, I know that I am a horrible person in many ways. I gossip, I bitch, I completely disrespect people, I will tell utter lies juts to hurt someone; because I know I'll win. I am not perfect, nor do I claim to be. When you cheat on your girlfriend, not once, but twice, in the same day, with two different people, I cannot even try to comprehend that. It hurts me even more when I know that I am in love with you. It really hurts, because I know that you wouldn't treat me any different than whoever you're with every other Friday night. And that fact that you don't even have the nerve to confess it to him, and are lying to the other party's girlfriend is just wrong.

It sucks. It really, really sucks. Because you have the potential to be an amazing person in a relationship. But you had to ruin this one. Just like you ruined the last one. What you had with him was perfect, as much as it -killed- me to see and admit. You both were serious about it; and whats-his-face had to ruin it. It just sucks. It sucks that you've thrown this away. It sucks that you don't care. It sucks that I'm in love with such a person that can be so horrible. -shrug-
I don't want to write any more about this. It sucks.

i h e a r i t ' s t i g h t m o s t e v ' r y n i g h t

i didn't ask you to follow this.
i didn't give you the link.
just because i'm following tyler's blog does not mean you received an open invitation to this blog.
i won't stop you from reading it; mainly because a majority of it will be me bitching out anyone that pisses me of, with a spotlight on you (i know how much you love to be the center of attention.)
but do not say i've followed you onto blogger.
i've had an account since 2006.
i can link you if you don't believe me.
i did not follow you.
and if i were here due to someone in recent days, it would be tyler.
i haven't spoken to you, and have no desire to.
if you read the previous posts here?
you'd find out just how much i hate you.


slunt.